One of my jobs as a parent is done

This very evening T and friend O have been eating delicious looking steamed prawn dumplings and sticky spare ribs. I have just had the 2 left over prawns!

I have completely bypassed the recommended method of introducing middle class accepted foodstuffs to the younger generation. No offering foods 7 or 27 times to ensure eventual acceptance.

Just continue with the pizzas with a happy heart until the great day when you hear that they have been out to a restaurant in a bigger town and have discovered much more sophisticated items for themselves. You may get the classic insult that your home cooking is horrendously boring, but that's ok.

I have to say that this method has taken 17 years to bear fruit, from the petit filou stage to steamed prawns.

My ethos has been that food is meant to be familiar, tasty, reassuring, enjoyable. If coco pops ticks those boxes, then choose coco pops and enjoy them.

ps I have tried the cross, grumpy, horrible approach at times. It is a total waste of emotion and negates lots of good mother points which had previously been earned with carrying, being patient etc.

No longer so together

The strange peace of the past week has gone. I didn't even do my daily tick sheet at all today.

T was arguing with me for a fair amount of the day. He stopped when I took H to the dentist, but resumed when I got back. I retaliated with comments like 'well in the 70's if a child broke something they tended to hide the fact, not ask for replacements and the parent would say "oh bad luck" at best'....mind you the child would simply not have the item in the first place....

Taking H to the dentist is one of those tense events which means that nothing else really matters for that whole day. I feel tense beforehand and then relieved afterwards. So must he.

T did a splendid angry jump onto a cardboard box in the middle of the drive. I just happened to glance out as he flew through the air to connect with it.

He also broke the temperature gauge outside. I rescued the metal coil. And he turned over a young treelet in its pot. Humph. I held out the bin for the bits of gauge and made him wait while I trowelled the earth back onto the tree roots.

Anyway after all that I drove him to take some photos, got to the place, then he realised the tripod was back home. Drove back, got it and drove back to the place. T then lost the will to take photos. By that time we were having quite a laugh at the pointlessness of our early evening trips and got back home in a good mood.

So all in all it was a busy day full of incident!

Attention

When H was little I would try to finish washing up or something while he wanted me. T being older would tell me H just wanted to be with me, 'he needs you'. T was happy again when he could see that I was attending to H and laying everything else aside.

Now it is H's turn to remind me to just take time to hold the cat when she visits us from next door, he can see I'm trying to delay turning to her or am getting impatient to get up and do something else. It makes his world right to see me stopping everything to stroke her until she has had enough and jumps down again.

Giving attention when it is asked for goes against all those parenting courses which advise you to be in charge and set limits on when the children can take your time. Bah humbug, it's all wrong. If children are at home until they are 18 or 21 I guess this means lots and lots of *time* being with you. Particularly around 10 til midnight, hot water bottle and hot chocolate time.

I still automatically want perfect, patient and wise attention from my parents at the drop of a hat. I will persist until I get it!! lol

Finding Opportunities

I needed to find a way to phone my mother without being interrupted.

So I go out into the garden with my mobile and sit there in my coat.

Success! Relief!

Know Thyself

As T went up the stairs to bed and I asked the inevitable questions, have you brushed your teeth and done your puffer, he explained that something I had bought for him didn't suit him.

It was an experiment on my part and something I thought might be nice for his beauty routine.

I found myself telling him that that was exactly my aim in bringing him up. My overall aim is for him to know what suits him and what doesn't. It means recognising the feelings, putting them into words and knowing what it is like to be in an environment where he can openly share them.

Today H had a similar process, but with electrical equipment. It was more bumpy and lasted all yesterday as well as today. His birthday headphones had started to buzz constantly. He wanted me to return them and get a refund, he still wanted to use them, they just weren't right.

After a lot of feeling frustrated he hit on the idea that the batteries might be worn out. He took them out, asked me for rechargeable ones, fitted them in, tried them for a while, hit on the idea that they might have had hardly any charge when they came out of the packet, let me charge them up again, tried them out, then set up a system for having 2 on charge in his room while he wears out the other 2. Happiness all round.

So 'know thyself' involves a search for truth at all levels and can be easy or difficult. There is a feeling of rightness when it is found.

Trees

We went out collecting conkers, beech nuts and sycamore seeds. Then we put lovely dark compost in some pots and planted lots of trees for the future.

Now the pots are settled in a special place in the garden and H is watering them each day.

I have decided to just sit when I am with H rather than just sit with a laptop on my knee. What a big difference this makes. The power of patient attention. I like to have a hot cup of tea in my hand at the same time. I can't remember such a successful day for ages and ages. Today H doesn't need me so much, so I am here on my blog.

Why don't mothers like me have this level of ability to just be when the children are really little? Why did nature plan it so badly that I am only beginning to have the talents I need as a mother over a decade into the job?