Thursday, 23 April 2015

Mothers use their bodies

I had a little think as I was standing in the kitchen. Last autumn was very stressful.

I used my body to sleep on my mother in law's sofa the night she came home from hospital, just in case. Then I used it to sleep on our own sofa, a few rooms further away from her, but still near her door, just in case.

Only 2 weeks later I used my body again, to sleep in my mother's double guest bed, which I would have shared with her, only she then decided to be in with my father, but I was there on the floor above them, just in case.

This Easter holidays, it's a bit of a theme.., both T and H were unwell, along with me, so I lurked on the sofa, feeling dizzy when lying down, but better when I was sitting up. In good moments I used my body as a mother to investigate rooms which might have needed help (bleach...), put the laundry on, then went back to not ruling the household with my eyes shut and feeling odd.

When I can, I sit in the kitchen using this laptop, which means I can be asked to move money from account to account, or listen to words. Even the cat wants me, so sometimes I have time to sit and let her fall asleep, sprawling her furry arms and legs in different ways each time.

Not being there is profoundly wrong, yet sometimes has to be done. Is there a being there which doesn't include the body? No, there's no getting round that fact.

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