Monday, 14 June 2010

Elephant traps

That is the name I give to a simple conversation about something like the importance of Parliament or how Microsoft got its spots which imperceptibly goes wrong. T starts it, but I create the trap all by myself.

First I'm happily sharing my views which have taken decades to form, then I realise I am repeating myself and sounding rather middle-aged, and then I realise I am right inside an elephant trap!

What has happened is that T has been sharing his views and repeating them because they are strongly felt and new, and also because I don't seem to be quite getting his points.

So I giggle and start saying "yes, you are right, just so right, and I've just fallen into a parent of a teenager trap again". The mum is meant to say yes in an agreeable sort of way, happily nod when told that her views are simply wrong, and stay calm and jolly. This is not, not, not a conversation about the topic, it is an opportunity to listen and appreciate your young, smile and enjoy being totally in the wrong. It's cosy and warm in the wrong, get used to it!

It's more about being able to chat and be heard, have an opportunity to have a gentle rant (the way I have done many times and the children have heard me out patiently, ending with a gentle 'but so and so is an idiot' showing they totally agree with me about the iniquity of the universe).

Sometimes I stop and say "why are we arguing?".

This happens most days and I like it!

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