Durham we 29.8.18

Over the weekend I took a small rug from my previous house to my new house. At first I stared at it not knowing where it had come from. After a couple of days I became more sure that it was the rug my parents bought me when I started at Durham University a long time ago.

Seeing a video just now on fb about a refugee welcome project in Durham put the very stones of the city and the cathedral in front of me. I recognised it so much.

So I looked back at my rug and wondered how much I want to be pulled backwards in time. I have put so much effort into moving forwards. Will that all be negated by one rug which I have brought into this new house?

So there are some deep fears about the past and the future. Deep down I prefer the new. I want to destroy and then recreate a new thing. I like the impermanent. I like making things up. I like using what is at hand rather than having a big complicated plan.

I don't want to be the guardian of a museum of objects where each one ties itself round my neck and MUST NOT BE THROWN OUT. I want to be totally free to move on, bin or give away.

The obvious answer to this is - keep the old rug for a year, then donate it and mentally move on.