Congratulations to myself! Mazel tov biani wa mabrukni - old draft post

I have written out the Hebrew alphabet for the first time from end to end from memory. It took having a bath with the text book a pen and a sheet of paper to crack the final elusive 6. They were towards the end, but not the final 4.

So, a week well spent. I walk down the street gazing into the middle distance writing them out with my right hand, imperceptibly, as I go along.

A few days ago I woke in the dead of night and instantly started to speak my 4 phrases to myself in my mind:

bivikashah
todah
eriv tov
leila tov

Then of course I began to create very short Arabic phrases describing what I was doing. What is the name for this switching from asleep to active thinking? Seriously, I woke and went straight into the words! I didn't move a muscle. All going on in my head.

Mon 18th Oct 2015, for when I revert to English, or cheat by writing more in English in the comment boxes.

בשמש - إنها مشمسة - الطقس مشمس

عندما نحن معا في حديقتنا أسألك عن حياتك.

The sun is shining on us both while we chat. At the same time I rock the other wooden chair with my bare feet in an idle way and play with my sunglasses. Your two boys gradually play more freely, running, wrestling a bit, then they jump on the trampoline.

Il y a des fleurs jaunes dans l'herbe mal coiffé. Je les mets dans les trous d'une raquette en plastique et puis, tout d'un coup, je frappes la raquette pour faire jetter ces fleurs dans l'air.

Wir sind im Garten ohne Spielzeug vom zu Hause, also wir Spaß machen mit dem Kieselsteine.

בשמש

Northbound - فيلم عن شباب من النرويج الذين يلعبون قريب من بحر البارد

https://vimeo.com/channels/staffpicks/208432684

Today's new blog - غزاوي‎‎ رزان

https://razanghazzawi.org/2016/03/05/my-coming-out-story/

I particularly love this post because it mentions her relationship with herself:

Now the good stuff: I talk to myself a lot during the day. Part of my well-being is to understand myself, my new self that evolved during the uprising and the war. After all, I am living with myself ALL DAY. All my life. Sometimes I am not my self and I don’t recognize it. How to deal with that? My solution is that me and myself should talk about it.

I describe it a bit differently, I remind myself that I am permanently married with myself. I mean that I will be my companion and closest witness for my entire life, not a thought will go unheard, no heart beat will go missing. There's definitely space for someone else in my heart though, that's a different thing altogether.

Latest blog added 22/4/2017 - #Refugees - #Torture - #AsylumSeekers

Latest blog added to my sidebar

http://www.bookword.co.uk/the-optician-of-lampedusa-by-emma-jane-kirby/

The blogger is doing sponsored walks every few weeks and then writing about them in order to raise money for Freedom From Torture.

https://www.freedomfromtorture.org/

This is a charity based in the UK. I will do a series on recovery from torture on my facebook group some time soon. I need to get all my links lined up and ready first, plus a main photo for the group for the time I devote to posting on this topic.

منذ الصيف الماضي

عندي اكبر التجاعيد منذ الصيف الماضي

I have been able to see them multiply over the months, particularly since late last summer. I know why and there is no way around it. My river is flowing towards the sea and will reach it one day.

Chaque fois que je me regarde dans le miroir je les vois et je pense que mes yeux sont toujours très bien à les voir si clairement!

Mein Mann sollte auch ein Gesicht wie meins haben

אני בן 53

في الحمام السباحة

أريد أن أكتب إلى أصدقائي مرة أخرى

I swam up and down the pool and I found myself thinking instead of being aware of everything around me. The thought that came to me was that I was ready to start messaging with friends again after the shocks I experienced in March.

C'est vrai que j'ai eu un moment d'enthousiasme vers mes amis, mais je ne sais pas où commencer avec tout ce qui se passe. J`ai besoin toujours de beaucoup de temps, quelques minutes sur Messenger c`est rien quand j`ai besoin d`une semaine de vivre en communauté pour arriver à partager mes pensées et à recevoir leurs histoires tour à tour 

Ich brauche das Dasein und das Machen und das Miteinandersein und das Zusammensprechen den ganzen Tag, oder das Miteinanderjedentagscheiben auf Messenger

אני אוהב את החברים שלי

لدي المرض السوري

This is a post I put on my fb group today:

'I am having a bad case of Syria diarrhoea - it's a mental condition characterised by wanting to get stuff out of my system - so I apologise in advance

1/2 Photos

The little headless girl in her red dress, lying on the ground outdoors like a star fish, way back

The headless teacher, seen 2015

The woman with eyes showing and white dust all over her, 2016?

The couple standing with their child, 2016?

The thin baby with napalm on his back, I thought this would be the picture which turned the war, but no, 2016

The man with his dying wife in a wheelchair in the street, Aleppo, 2016

The cats eating corpses in the street, 2016

Oh the boy sitting on the floor, leaning his head against the wall in the hospital, Aleppo 2016

The boy sitting on the pavement his head in his hands, his siblings wrapped on the ground in front of him, Aleppo 2016

The woman with children sleeping on a street in Lebanon, the older son half in a cardboard box

The 2 feet photo - Douma - Firas Abdullah, 2016, he held them up with the left one on the left and the right one on the right, like shoes before school in the morning ☹

I really wanted to put that one at the big front photo on this group, but it's seriously gruesome, yet calm, undeniable

--

And why are these the images I think of, not the torture corpses? And what about all the others I recognise on Twitter? These ones are all too tame, too beautiful and well-composed. Just mentioning a few is massively disrespectful to all the others.

But I want to talk about it, not just have them stuffed into my head. Anyway, I am venting here because this is my group and if people don't like it they can leave. I have been all organised and controlled about the group for a long time and need a break.

I don't think it is helpful for me to avoid mentioning Syria for fear of upsetting people. I don't think there is a right way of doing it either.'

أمشي في ريف أكسفورد

أمشي وأنظر إلى العشب في هذا الحقل و إلى قمر النصف.

I am walking out on the country track parallel to the footpath. I am looking for something nameless. Of course I find nothing that looks like that. I see beer cans in the ditches and perfect tiny white flowers on the tall bushes. The moon is utterly lovely up there, half sky and half moon, the division between the two is all blurry.

Je marche le long d'une petite route tout près de chez nous. Il y a des arbres partout et les oiseaux chantent. La lune blanche reste immobile dans le ciel. 

Warum ausgehen? Für meine Seele, um die Ruhe zu finden. Ich möchte auch meinen Chips essen!