Being a terrible maths teacher

I refuse to have a session.
I then insist it is just 10 minutes.
I get all enthusiastic and write out the solution way too fast and am demonstrating, not teaching.
I use unusual words to describe what is meant to happen.
I make up rules like "If it isn't written down, it isn't maths."
I yawn.
I make myself a cup of tea.
I eat apple, which H hates, while he shows me what he's doing.

He tells me I go too fast.
He tells me I should be helping him.
He tells me I should be explaining better.
He want to do maths when I just want to do my own stuff online.
He wants to do maths after 11pm.
He won't let go graciously.

We argue.
I want to see very neat handwriting and carefully laid out lines of maths, one alteration per line.
He wants to hold the pen from the wrong end and do it all in his head and expect me to follow it.
He rattles off some numbers and I can't follow what question he is on, so he has to start again.