Moors

'Swollen streams and rivers - the Beck and Brook. Hard to see which is snaking road and which river. Then up through a gate and across a cattle grid and you're on the moor. Three-foot pillars of granite, forming a hut circle beside the road. Low clumped gorse. Pony dung, sheep droppings, the great jagged Hound Tor. Clitters of stones and rocks.'

from 'Notes from Walnut Tree Farm'
by Roger Deakin

Come and sit on the fire

Ooops, what I meant to say to H was 'Come and sit on the sofa to watch the fire.' He asked me for a fire, so I built one. I'm the one who has photographed it and poked it. H is still in the kitchen doing something special on his laptop.

My hand is still cold from when I put it right down into the rain water bin outside. I wanted to feel how thick the disc of ice was. It is still floating there after 3 days of thawing.

Earlier I went out for a walk in the village. It was dank and beautiful. We have faint drizzle and thin fog. There is no moon so it is the opposite of just a few days ago when I could look out onto the lawn at night and it looked like the lit up iced top of a Christmas cake.

Sewing

I did some important and welcome sewing recently. Our family's fluffy socks had got holes in them. I used to throw away the holey ones, but this year there don't seem to be many fluffy socks in the shops.

So I had a think and cut out sole shapes from the really bad ones to put on the still ok ones. The chair beside the tv got all speckly with bits of thread and fluff where I was doing my sewing and weather watching. All in a good cause. 

Now we prefer the double soled ones to the thinner single layer ones.

As the weather has suddenly got so much warmer it isn't making much of a difference, but when it was -8 each night and the door opening is like opening a huge freezer door, it did make a difference.

Gordon Brown would be thrilled with the amount of draft proofing we have done over the past 10 days! Nothing like real snow and thick ice to get me sorting out the gaping drafts.

Crackling

I have a log on the fire plus some smokeless fuel. It is crackling very softly, showing it is not out, even though there are no actual flames.

We had some surprising train crashes earlier on the new train track. I altered the track too so it is a little shorter and the connections are smoother. Even so the track goes over the edge of the carpet with satisfying results!

I'm typing up last month's home ed review, but keep on giving myself time out to look at new blogs. Guess how long my time outs last! Long enough to find a stunning quilt here.

Wildness

'This darksome burn, horseback brown,
His rollrock highroad roaring down,
In coop and comb the fleece of his foam
Flutes and low to the lake falls home.'

from 'Inversnaid'
by Gerald Manley Hopkins

Half

T and S are now in Venice to take photos. Our household here at home has been halved! It's pretty quiet, and more tidy than usual.

It is H's 13th birthday today. He asked me for a fire in the drawing room, so I'll lay a fire and we can play with his train set :)

Coughing

I can't be sure whether H has a bad cold with wooziness or a version of flu which allows him to have relatively normal moments before he goes back to the sofa. I explained that with flu you just can't get up, but I think he felt I was downgrading his suffering by calling it a cold.

Anyway, I have prescribed more sofa and less chatting, then he won't be hit with exhaustion and bad coughing in the same way.

He and T had been having a go at me in a teenage sort of way, but then only moments later H needed me to be saintly nursing Mother who completely forgets the previous discussions and just brings towels and medicine and the remote!

Hogitat

I found a brilliant corner of the garden centre this morning. It has all the different habitats and feeding stations for hedgehogs, frogs, ladybirds, solitary bees, butterflies and bats. I very nearly blessed my human relations with one each!! Then I realised that this is my passion, not necessarily theirs.

When I got back home I announced that I know exactly what I'd like for my birthday!!

I like the idea of helping wild creatures without imprisoning them. They can go off elsewhere and live their lives as they see fit.

The Cherub series

I have just been explaining to H how much I used to censor these books as I read them out loud to him. I'd be reading out the words from one paragraph and simultaneously assessing the next for swear words and anything which went over my tolerance level. I'd also miss out phrases and substitute words.

The Bond books got the same treatment.

When the children were small I'd miss out the odd section just to save time and my croaky throat. I didn't realise my skills would come in so handy later on.

I never spiced books up though. The only bit I add is the phrase 'And that is the end of the story' to make the transition from the story to us again.

Lap time

Well, I don't call it that. If I come into the kitchen and the only free chair is actually not free at all, but being used as a foot rest by H, this is what we do:

I lift up the feet, sit down on the chair and put the feet back, but on my lap. I then have 2 socked feet and 20 toes to hold onto and rub gently. It's good.

T used to put his feet on top of mine while we sat at the table for meals. It was like holding hands, but different.

There isn't enough distance under the table for T and H to sit opposite each other. There hasn't been for a while. Those foot fights can get nasty. Maybe we need a divider under the table, or to turn the table round so they each have a place at the far ends, like the husband and wife at formal dinners, far enough away from each other not to bicker! Though bickering transcends any barriers...any time, any place is an opportunity if the wish is there.

How not to do it

I made fudge today, but it didn't work at all. So there is learning how to do things and learning how *not* to do things.

Earlier in the day we sat round the table and played cards. We take turns being dealer. We play vingt et un without betting. We just count the number of tricks each player wins as we go through the pack each time.

I haven't been out in the car since Friday. S has been doing all the errands in the snow. This is the most non-adventurous I have ever been. T and H have been even more house bound in a good way than me. I rush out with my broom to sweep away new flecks of snow from my paths. Every envelope with a stamp on it is an excuse for me to walk carefully along our snowy footpaths to the post box.

The chat time in the kitchen is just starting between T and H. It's good that they have a similar chat cycle.

This will keep me busy

I have found I'm linked to on this site. Obviously I'm pleased as anything. I'm also thrilled to have a whole new list of blogs to search through.

I used to think I only needed to read blogs written by home educators with older children than mine, but over time I realise I pick up so much from blogs by and about people of all ages. It's a sort of browsing, not knowing what I'll learn until I stumble on it.

Over time I need different things too, so I find what I need in unexpected places.

Amazing

That's what H said about my strawberry jam. I made it for the first time a few days ago with some large Egyptian strawberries.

He made toast for both himself and T, first time ever, and spread my very own home made butter on the toast too.

T came to the table and sat down to be served!

It is a lovely thing to see my behaviour being copied by the boys. The bad behaviours, or rather more thoughtless behaviours, get copied instantly, but the more thoughtful behaviour takes much longer to show through.

Can't get this out of my mind

'...To illustrate, begin with a classic case that took place in Wood Buffalo National Park, Alberta, Canada, in 1951. Two buffalo bulls and two cows are lying in the grass ruminating. Three of them are in good health; one cow is lame. Wolves approach and withdraw a number of times, apparently put off by a human observer. At each approach, though, the lame cow becomes agitated and begins looking all around. Her three companions ignore the wolves. When one wolf comes within twenty-five feet, the lame cow gets up on shaking legs to face it alone. It seems clear that prey selection is something both animals play a role in.'

Barry Lopez (1945 - ), United States

from The Bedside Book of Beasts - A Wildlife Miscellany -
by Graeme Gibson

Back to basics

Again I have pushed us that little bit too far, so we need to relax expectations and maybe forget about the meal stuff at the table for a few months...

One event in a day is enough around here, or even more than enough.

Tomorrow will be a very quiet day.

Earlier this week

I had one of those bad nights. H wasn't feeling too healthy, I watched an iplayer film about a topic which worries me, and I was shocked by news of an assault.

Since then I have had a sort of fire in me about meal times. The table is cleared off, the plates are laid nicely, the glasses of water are there. I growl, almost, that it is time to WORSHIP the food. Away from the screens, headphones off, and we play a little game of Kids Trivia with a die while eating.

It has been good for me and good for T and H. One night all four of us were squished round the table for a while. It is fun. We have lots of these little food worship moments, because I make food only when people are actually hungry, and we just have one bit at a time, not the old fashioned 3 courses plus coffee....

The best bit is finding fun things to play with while munching. I brought out the magnetic metal shapes yesterday and had a great time making flower shapes, little cars and a ziggurat.

I even made patterns with the HP sauce a la Master Chef.

Netted Together

'If we chose to let conjecture run wild, then animals, our fellow brethren in pain, diseases, death, suffering, and famine - our slaves in the most laborious works, our companions in our amusements - they may partake (of) our origins in one common ancestor - that we may be all netted together.'

Charles Darwin
from 'The Bedside Book of Beasts - A Wildlife Miscellany'
by Graeme Gibson

Where's East?

"Thankyou for that information, that was darn helpful!"

While I was peacefully doing the November HE review H asked me where East was on his screen. There is a graphic of the relevant bit of a rotating compass. I was able to explain that the bit in the middle indicated the direction he was facing right now.

So I'm now stuck with lots of memories of those floating compasses on gimbals lit up somehow as I steered a compass course at night across a portion of the Channel.

I don't remember any ferries so I must have been given part of the journey between the 2 shipping lanes. 

A perfect day

I hadn't thought that H had really enjoyed most of Saturday, but then he told me with such a smile that it had been a perfect day.

We went out to our favourite cafe for his favourite food;
got a gaming/swivel chair for him from Argos;
put it together together on the kitchen floor;
went out to a party at the house of one of his friends from primary school,
and then he and T had a happy evening playing together at their side-by-side desks in the kitchen!

I stayed out til 11pm at the party, but S, T and H came home after about half an hour, so everyone was content. I walked home because the mulled wine was stronger than I had thought!

Bubble wrap helps

We have windows with industrial drafts blowing in from them. The shutters and full-length curtains aren't helping that much. Even though they are shut 100% of the time, it is still far too cold in some rooms, even though the heating is on a lot.

So I thought and thought until I hit on a way of putting strips of bubble wrap along the cracks where the wind blows in. I have used loads of sellotape and was careful to rub nail varnish remover on the paintwork and glass first so the tape would stick. I am so pleased. I no longer have to keep the doors shut to these 2 rooms to prevent the cold coming into the rest of the house.

I put some tinsel along the insulation strips too for good measure, although it is somewhat pointless given that I then shut the shutters and curtains again so we are all sealed up snugly until May time.

Off and away...

'Then it's ho! for the plunging deck of a bark, the hoarse song of the crew,
With never a thought of those we left or what we are going to do;
Nor heed the old ship's burning, but break the shackles of care
And at last be free, on the open sea, with the trade wind in our hair.'

'Free'
by Eugene O'Neill

Little notebooks

I have a new passion, making tiny notebooks for us to use for noughts and crosses or doodling.

I take an A4 sheet of plain paper, halve it, then fold the 2 pieces in half. Those are the pages.

Then I find a beautiful advertisement or photo from the heap of mail and magazines we get. A half A4 piece wraps round the little pages.

3 staples finish each one off.

Cold Nose

I want a veil/covering for at night when my nose is actually cold. I laughed at those knitted nose warmers someone had created, but I'm not laughing now!

Right now my fingers are cold too, and my shoulders. It is not a problem because all I have to do is wander over to the super warm kitchen. How lucky are we?

Saudi Arabia

S went to a camel market and was driven into the desert, not a drive for the faint-hearted! He had coffee and dates in a tented enclosure.

Read this out loud to get the rhythm

'And all night long they sailed away;
And when the sun went down,
They whistled and warbled a moony song
To the echoing sound of a coppery gong,
In the shade of the mountains brown.
"O Timballo! How happy we are,
When we live in a sieve and a crockery-jar,
And all night long in the moonlight pale,
We sail away with a pea-green sail,
In the shade of the mountains brown!"
Far and few, far and few,
Are the lands where the Jumblies live;
Their heads are green, and their hands are blue,
And they went to sea in a sieve.'

from The Jumblies
by Edward Lear

That moment

' "Dr Diamond," I said, "I am giving up."
"Now you are ready to begin." he said.'

from 'Beg, Sl Tog, Inc, Cont, Rep'
by Amy Hempel

So what

So what on earth will I read my way through in the second smallest room in our house next year?

The Bible?
My unread books, that rather includes most of the Bible!?

Maybe I will collect the candidates and lay them out on a table in the drawing room. Between Christmas and New Year I will consider them and make my choice. That's generally a peaceful, being time of year round here.

But first I still have 106 pages left of the book I'm savouring this year. I can't believe it. The book gets longer the more I read it! The never-ending book, rather like our ever-young cat Snowy. We always thought he must be about 18, but then he'd be a year older and look the same, so we said he was still about 18!

Someone somewhere blogged that they will not buy any more books in 2011, and will focus on the clearly embarrassingly large heap of treasures they already have at hand.

So what is my purpose in reading each day anyway? There's the real question to answer.

And no birds sing

'I met a lady in the meads,
Full beautiful - a faery's child,
Her hair was long, her foot was light,
And her eyes were wild.'

La Belle Dame Sans Merci
by John Keats

Snuffling

The best bit about trying to wake up sleeping children is the way I can just snuffle the hair by their foreheads and give them kisses at the same time.

Even when I kiss our visiting cat I breathe in as I kiss her, just to check that she is really the same cat with the same smell.

Once I was carrying T or H and was beside a stable with a nervous looking mare with her foal. As soon as I did the snuffling thing with my child's head I could sense the mare relax because she could understand exactly what I was doing.

How to be a wise prince

"So he should never let his thoughts stray from military exercises, which he should pursue more vigorously in peace than in war. These exercises can be both physical and mental. As for the first, besides keeping his men well organized and trained, he should always be out hunting, so accustoming his body to hardships and also learning some practical geography..."

"As for intellectual training, the prince should read history, studying the actions of eminent men to see how they conducted themselves during war and to discover the reasons for their victories or their defeats, so that he can avoid the latter and imitate the former."

"...A wise prince should observe these rules; he should never take things easy in times of peace, but rather use the latter assiduously, in order to be able to reap the profit in times of adversity. Then, when his fortunes change, he will be found ready to resist adversity."

from 'The Prince'
by Niccolo Machiavelli

We were all in one room

....so it was a sort of a party. We were all talking at once. 3 of us were using laptops/the computer. 1 hero was reading. He didn't feel it really qualified as reading because it was a small catalogue. But it was made of paper, printed and had words on it!

A new noise

The visiting cat jumped up and walked around on top of T's open lap top on the kitchen table. I was stuck on my chair with my lap top on my knee so I made a 'eeeeh' sound. It was just like a sheep.

Then the cat walked very close to T's mug of hot chocolate, so I made another spontaneous 'meeeh' sound, only without the 'm'. I was so shocked and yet couldn't do anything apart from bleat!!

Both boys spent such a long time copying my wonderful noises. My stomach started to hurt I was laughing so much. The cat was quite happy and totally ignored all of us.

A peaceful evening

I was chatting to a friend, telling her how chilled our household is at present.

Then I went home and had the rest of the evening. There were 3 stressful points in it which could have ended very badly, but didn't. So it isn't as if arguments and misunderstandings don't happen, they really do, plus swearing, and quite late at night. It's just they don't get anywhere.

Long may this phase last.

The wind is blowing strongly

Sometimes the wind blows so hard the top floor of the house shakes in the night. I can feel it as I lie in bed. It isn't scary, but it is awe inspiring.

The leaves are off the deciduous trees now, but there is still a chance of a bit of a branch coming down in the night.

When I first got my two hearing aids the wind was the most frightening thing. What I used to perceive as mild gusts sounded like a terrible storm. I used to rush outside to see what on earth was going on. It took maybe a year to get used to the new noise level and not respond with a gut fear.

If you have a tickly cough

This is what we do in our house:

Eat apple every so often, including in the middle of the night when you wake coughing.
Stop eating sugar for a few hours, because bugs like sugar, this includes cough sweets in my case.
Eat little and frequently, moves bugs in the throat away from where they are muliplying.
Stop drinking tea and coffee, they are a little rough on the throat.
Drink smooth drinks like milk and water.

The tickle should go away.

If/when it tries again, just revert to these treatments until it goes away again.

I used to get bad coughs which went on for weeks, but since realising that cough sweets and sugar were probably inadvertently making it worse, I changed my approach and have been cough free for years now.

Reading aloud

Just this week I have had the opportunity to read aloud to H. Long may this last. As we know it takes two to tango, so if his enjoyment of my voice and the books available wanes, that will be the end of that for who knows how long. I never thought he'd want this again so I am thrilled.

H asked me to read out from a website too. I think I know why, it had white text against a black background and was murder to focus on. When I looked at the walls and curtains all I could see were odd horizontal lines for a few seconds. I found out all about the variables in the writing of the code for a game.

Growltiger and The Rum Tum Tigger

"Growltiger had no eye or ear for aught but Griddlebone,
And the Lady seemed enraptured by his manly baritone,
Disposed to relaxation, and awaiting no surprise -
But the moonlight shone reflected from a hundred bright blue eyes.

And closer still and closer the sampans circled round,
And yet from all the enemy there was not heard a sound.
The lovers sang their last duet, in danger of their lives -
For the foe was armed with toasting forks and cruel carving knives."

"He's always on the wrong side of every door,
And as soon as he's at home, then he'd like to get about.
He likes to lie in the bureau drawer,
But he makes such a fuss if he can't get out."

from Old Possum's Book of Practical Cats
by T S Eliot

Values

I have noticed that there is a moment when I become anxious that another person does a particular thing. At that point my values rate the doing of that action above their happiness and our mutual relationship. I also value it above my own contentment, because it vanishes there and then!

Having lost my contentment it stays lost for quite some hours. Person x probably loses their well-being too.

To be fair often other people go through the same process of demanding certain behaviours from me and finding that their ease disappears too if it is reliant on my compliance.

Photo of the day

Night time thoughts

Whatever I used to think about at night has been replaced by a sort of endless looking back.

I remember people, mainly long dead, the places they lived in and glimpses of time spent in their company.

It's lovely and I look forward to this journey of surprises in my own memory.

Cultural Pile up

I have too many good things to read and watch the moment:

Lawrence of Arabia on my laptop, yes I am the sort of person who buys classic dvds at Sainsbury's.
Millennium 2, a book, part 2 of 3.
The Prince by Machiavelli, my online book group is doing this right now.

2 books I actually went back to the library to borrow: Black Spring by Henry Miller and stories by Amy Hempel. I'd thought about them all weekend after standing there reading a snippet of each and deciding to be rational and put them back.

I used the online ordering system for my library to get a Rory Stewart book after reading an article about him in the FT.

Photo of the day

BB pellets

We had some spare bb pellets which were not perfectly clean. They can mess up a bb gun if they are in any way dusty.

I poured them into a dish to have on our table as something to play with. Idle strewing.

The problem is that I have a tendency to try to eat anything which resembles food. I can feel myself wanting to reach out and see if they are actually white chocolate coated nibbles. My higher brain knows they aren't, but my pre-stone age brain just says 'fooooood'.

A long time ago I instinctively licked some spilt washing up liquid off my hand because it had an apple smell which overrode any sensible thoughts!

Photo of the day

Photo of the day

Laughter

From where I am on the sofa I can hear T shouting out with loud laughter as he listens to the Halloween Qi programme on iPlayer.

We had a row earlier in the kitchen, but somehow it got defused. I said that I turn into a toad at 9pm every night and he said *he* couldn't understand why *I* didn't understand his (very intricate and confusing) explanation of how to buy books from Amazon for the Kindle. Then he didn't want to hear how I would have explained it to an older person (me).

I can just imagine the discussions between teenager and parent back in time or indeed far in the future.

I'm meant to be writing my home ed review for October, but instead I'm reading my own blog!

The News From Beijing

..is that the pool at the hotel has, wait for it...... tropical islands in it. How amazing!!

The water is pretty cool though so the swimmers can't just loll about.

Each day

My simplest meditation is to take the date and breathe that number of breaths.

So today it is at its shortest, just 1 breath.

When it gets to 5 or more I find my breaths slow down so much I think I'll never get to the end of the session.

It's really good to do in bed as it helps me fall asleep. Bingo, 2 benefits in one!

My special thing

Whenever I go to our church a few steps away I try to stay for coffee at the end. Whatever my thoughts about religion and all that, I have no issues with chat and coffee.

No matter whether I get my drink first or towards the end, I'm always the last person to bring their mug to the sink and wind up swooshing it through the suds myself. How does that happen? Probably because I love talking with people and having a good time!

So I recommend a chatty church to anyone, just sing along and ignore what you don't get along with. I suspect life is too short to try to find the right religion.

Photo of the day

'Right over there'

We all went bowling this evening. T and H decided soon after arriving that they would rather not change into the bowling shoes. They took my car keys and set off across the huge car park to find it and then sit in it. It took 2 journeys for them to find my car. I like to get some fresh air so always park a long way from my destination. It was quite hard to explain exactly how far away it was and how it was near a hedge 'right over there on the left'.

They had enough of that after a while and returned to watch us play.

The good bits were getting some good shots, seeing S getting some strikes and lending my camera to the other HE children in another lane to play with and get some action photos. I got a tiny bit of chatting to 3 other HE mothers too.

When we got back I promised to never take them bowling again. They used to enjoy it and I was the one who would to refuse to go.....

Photo of the day

Photo of the day

Power

'Let us remind ourselves: words are very dangerous, they are dynamite. Jokes can't start a revolution, but they can loosen the bricks in the wall. A joke introduces a little anarchy into the world, a bit of disruption. It tests the limits; it pushes them.'

from the FT.com/magazine
by Hanif Kureishi

Tricked, or something

I went into Blockbuster with one of my sons. There was no fuss at all, but when I got back home I realised I had come out with one 18 amongst the 5 dvds.

Last time S was the one who magically came home with something with the wrong rating after going to get a dvd with that same quiet but determined son.

Hmmm...for the nth time.

From now on we adults will go there unaccompanied!

Photo of the day

Furry gifts

Last night at midnight our visiting cat came to see us. She was very excitable and full of energy.

This morning I realised why she'd been so lively, there were *2* dead rats laid out by our back door, one adult and one young one, side by side.

Names

It has just hit me that we are in a new world now where it is absolutely standard practice to pick new names for ourselves online.

I choose different ones for each website, but some people seem to keep to one identity everywhere.

The names on Mumsnet are an artform in themselves.

It's a surprise for me, that moment when I need to register for a forum and need to decide on a name before I have seen what the norm appears to be for the others on there.

Passwords are another issue, another level of sudden decision making. It would be so much easier if I didn't feel the need to keep my passwords private! I have a system though, so on every website I sit there trying my various versions of password.

No one talks much about their systems though, so that is another of those modern day mysteries.

I'd like to set up an automatic one where I'd just put in tomorrow's date and yesterday's day of the week, eg: 25sat.

The Pantry

Yes, we really do have one. It was last organised back in 2001. Some of the beer I threw out dated from then. There was some ancient jam too.

I'm amazed by how many clean toddler resources I had tucked away: puzzles, card games. They had been used, but hadn't got spoilt or gnawed. Maybe I had simply thrown away the damaged bits and stored the rest! They are all going to the charity shop though.

It's sad because I feel as if I am throwing away the boys' childhood. I know I'm not, but still. I keep my very favourite toys for any guests. Even the marble run and Monopoly are pretty much retired now.

My next issue is to decide what to do with the group of decanters. Flower vases, pretty things for a mantlepiece? Containers for Ribena and other cordials? Get into drinking sherry at 6pm every night and refuse to go out on little late night drives to the garage to buy crisps and chocolate...that would be unkind to all of us.

Photo of the day

Cheating at cards....

'He's outwardly respectable. (They say he cheats at cards.)
And his footprints are not found in any file of Scotland Yard's.
And when the larder is looted, or the jewel-case is rifled,
Or when the milk is missing, or another Peke's been stifled,
Or when the greenhouse glass is broken, and the trellis past repair-
Ay, there's the wonder of the thing! Macavity's not there!'

Macavity: The Mystery Cat
by T S Eliot

Photo of the day

Photo of the day

Peace

I get a bit repetitive when people ask me how things are going. The reply surprisingly often is that things are peaceful at home, we potter about, we chat and do our favourite activities.

We do have moments of frustration, but given time and food and a big lack of rushing around they generally fade away.

I'm a big fan of being homey. A few years ago I would have laughed at the idea of making a shopping trip to get a birthday card and a favourite food. Now I think it is an hour well spent!

Sigh

The long hair has become an issue with school. I did mention to the teacher that actually T's hair wasn't nearly as long as H's hair, for information and awareness raising purposes.

The colour is also an issue. Hmm. I find it annoying that one of my children will have to put hair colour choices and lengths on hold until July 2013. I had become rather used to and proud of the fact that his school were ok with long haired rock star looks. I suspect the prospect of a new head is causing the clampdown in advance of his arrival.

I also don't yet know for sure how to redye T's hair back to roughly his underlying colour. An unfortunate green colour wouldn't be a good outcome.

Time to google 'changing hair colour from deep red back to light brown'.

T is fine about it, so I'm being the typical parent who gets wound up over non-events and irritates the teachers!

Photo of the day

Stephen Fry

I'm hoping his voice will work its magic on us. I have just ordered a 2nd hand set of Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone cds to listen to in the car.

Photo of the day

Feeling uneasy as I pass the big lambs

'Be nice to yu turkey dis christmas
Invite dem indoors fe sum greens
Let dem eat cake an let dem partake
In a plate of organic grown beans'

Talking Turkeys
by Benjamin Zephaniah

-0.5c

Brrr, I've just been out for supplies to keep T going during a day of Airsoft.

The sheep were all quiet in the field, individual humps of shaggy wool. They are just big lambs, so they don't sleep huddled next to their mothers, because the mothers aren't with them.

There's a long heap of manure steaming gently in the field opposite the sheep.

Photo of the day

Photo of the day

Blogomania

It's like kleptomania, but it is ok. I go from blog to blog and land up somewhere really wonderful. Then I copy and paste it to add to my list. So my daily list of updated blogs is just huge!!! I'm happy.

I'm going to go and count them now....I may be some time.

The total is 84.

Faith

Seeing the miners' rescue and the emphasis put on faith is humbling. My children's great grandfather was a miner in the Durham area. I will ask my mother-in-law some questions about what she remembers of her father.

Photo of the day

Photo of the day

Photo of the day

A little bit of J C, from Act I

Casca. Are you not moved, when all the sway of earth
Shakes like a thing infirm? O Cicero,
I have seen tempests, when the scolding winds
Have rived the knotty oaks; and I have seen
The ambitious ocean swell, and rage, and foam,
To be exhalted with the threatening clouds
But never till tonight, never till now,
Did I go through a tempest dropping fire.
Either there is a civil strife in heaven,
Or else the world, too saucy with the gods,
Incenses them to send destruction.

William Shakespeare
from 'Julius Caesar'

T tells me to try this

It is an arty film here. I had wandered in for the nth time to encourage lights out and T showed me a bit of what he was watching.

I haven't yet got good enough speed to watch it, so I'm sharing here first, then I'll persevere with trying to see it for myself.

Evening moments

"I hate you!.... Thank you' as I fish crumpled, but salvageable English notes out of the fireplace, wiping the dust off on my dressing gown.

Now to find a phone which has gone walkabout.

S came into the darkened kitchen, 'Why are all the lights off?' Well, I thought that having them off might equal night time and therefore sleeping time to T. 'Does it work?' Of course not, but it's a harmless occupation and keeps me sane.

That's why there are no lights on for the stairs and I keep on switching everything off as I wander around the house putting away laundry. I do try not to fall down stairs, so I hold onto the bannisters carefully.

With any luck T might have found his own phone before I get round to actually putting any effort into looking for it properly...No point in being too effective at finding children's stuff for them.

Infinity Broadband

We have a happy house this evening, full of people using superfast broadband. We hardly talk to each other any more.

Confession

I found myself picking up a Coke can and giving it a little shake. There was some left, so I drank it. I have a view that no germs transmit via chocolate which has fallen on the floor or Coke left by the boys.

I eat chunks of left over Crunchie bars too. The shame. Not enough for me to stop!

Finding a format

Some bloggers seem to have found a format they stick to and which is distinctively theirs. I'm still thrashing around and trying this and that. I want to put a photo in each time or even each day, but it isn't happening yet.

Anyone else with a similar state of confusion?

It doesn't help that T takes lovely photos and knows what he is about to take and what with. I wander around the garden mumbling that I don't know what the story is, why should I photograph this and not that.

Maybe I need to simply do mug of coffee garden appreciation and shelve any plans for mixing life out there with life tapping away in here?

Questions

H asked me, apropos of nothing, which was my favourite squirrel? I decided on the grey ones.

I then asked him, which was his favourite fish? He said cod, so I asked him to use google images to see what they looked like. Quite ferocious and mixed up with screen shots of the early Call Of Duty playstation games.

TV

Last night I saw H sitting comfortably in our kitchen in front of the TV with my laptop on his lap.

I told him to switch off the TV as it looked boring and he didn't seem to be involved in it.

He said 'No' so I looked more closely and it turned out he was watching a scathing but dignified demolition of some of the current Catholic Church's attitudes.

Well, well. That told me. I sat down and watched the rest of it.

Wonderful......

'He took his vorpal sword in hand:
Long time the manxome foe he sought -
So rested he by the Tumtum tree,
And stood awhile in thought.

And as in uffish thought he stood,
The Jabberwock, with eyes of flame,
Came whiffling through the tulgey wood,
And burbled as it came!'

from Jabberwocky

by Lewis Carroll

We have big heads

S has gone halfway round the world for *one* meeting.

T won first prize for photography at the Village Show and saw it get a lovely high value after deciding to donate it for the charity auction at the end.

H was surrounded by younger boys quietly watching him play a computer game in the cafe area of the show.

I got first prize for my 2lb loaf!!!! How pleased am I?

I softened

First I was tired and cross, wanting the bed time toothbrushing to be done quickly so I could then go off to bed.

Then I was tired and cross, being told to watch a programme while H delayed. I sat on a bit of duvet with a cold hot water bottle under it, that made me jump and giggle.

Finally I was engaged and enjoying the programme and was rewarded as it happens by seeing H doing his teeth.

Teaching Patience

Just don't bother.

If there is a real situation where patience is required then the person will deal with it to the best of their abilities. The parent, me, will help as much as I can.

It is fake and pointless for me to artificially create a requirement for patience.

I hope I will not need to relearn this lesson.

Wiped out

T went back to school for one day then slept for most of the next 16 hours. I'm now having a mini version of deep tiredness myself.

Magic moments

All of a sudden I looked outside and spotted S teaching H how to mow our front lawn!

Book Group

T suggests Larsson's Millenium Trilogy.

"They are insanely good!"

We are rushing to get the 3rd one first thing tomorrow morning. It's that good.

Photo trip

T and I went to our favourite cross roads in the brisk wind. It was like being on holiday for an hour, perfect. These have not been photoshopped (yet) and have a dainty quality to them, ie pale and interesting.

Problems

One thing I say to the boys is that I have good problems. I started this a couple of years ago when I was worried about something and could see they were getting worried too.

I wanted to vent a bit about the situation, not remain silent, so this was my method of being honest. I like the concept of good and bad problems. Good ones are the ones where I realise how lucky I am to even be able to have the issue in the first place!!

CBA

Or in more polite language, my 'get up and go' got up and went some time ago and has not found its way back to me.

Is there some spiritual term for the time of waiting for whatever it is to come along? I'm busy doing somewhat pointless waiting. I hope there is some parenting value in it for the boys.

Anyway, I know it is not my fault and will move along in its own good time. Maybe this is how the land feels as weather systems pass over it season after season.

For Daddy

Try this:

All about Galloway

Promotion

Click here

I'm adding links left, right and centre to get this up the Google rankings.

I was the supporting person for the non-crossroads shot. It's a beautiful spot near Braziers Park by Wallingford. Happy memories of blowy afternoons there.

Chat

My brother J and I decided that if I were to write a book it would be titled "Don't poke the swan". His would be "Stress doesn't exist".

We swap philosophies and stretch out on the sofa and chairs.

The cat makes an appearance and manages to be in the kitchen at the same time as some defrosted steak I carelessly left covered up on a counter. We all know what happens next. So no steak for us now! I have put a note in at our neighbours' door and hope the cat is ok...It was my fault and I should have known better after all the years of having cats around.

We went for a walk in the village, sat on a bench a couple have decided to put outside their front door. Then picked blackberries and chatted to a woman and a dog doing something complicated with a long, white tape in a field for horses.

Fun

My brother J is here with us. We went out to the cafe and did a short stop motion film of a doughnut being eaten away.

Later they went out for a pizza and came back to some new, red and still warm play dough. We made a couple of films on the table. A red thing with sharp teeth being alive. Then a flower growing and turning into a man.

Smiles

H gives me such big smiles, even when he's shooing me out of his room.

Our visiting cat lies on my knee asleep with her chin in the air. I can see the smiley shape of her mouth while she lies there so peacefully.

My mother in law was beaming after a trip to the hospital left her intact and with the doctor agreeing with what she said. That's my sort of doctor!

My friend and her daughter were making jam this morning. We stirred and stirred. The level in the pot was going down slowly as the water evaporated off. We had coffee, laughed, chatted and did the pushing of the spoonful of mixture on a cold saucer every so often.

Disappointment

I heard the jingle of the ice cream van, yelled to T and H to get their shoes on. We ran out into the road, but no van.

After a minute we heard the jingle again, but then the van drove past our corner, the driver waved at us trying to flag him down and off he went.

We were not part of his plan for the afternoon. Maybe his cooling system had just failed, he knew 3 icecreams weren't worth stopping for, he had a bad headache, his wife needed him at home suddenly... who knows?

I don't like being spurned by the only icecream van likely to come our way, especially after the traditional jingle had got us all fired up.

Recognition

Am I tempting fate by saying that I think I am beyond that awful feeling that being a mother was magically not nearly enough to justify my existence? Even though it was taking all my hours and with no weekends or lunch breaks either. Lulu land! In what crazy world could a woman tending to a household day and night for *years* be seen as 'not working'?

Anyway, good bye to all that. Watching the cat and the plants lets me see that life is for living. It is a free gift, so there!! The actions I take each day are my life. The actions I don't take are also my life. The cat gets to sleep on a fleece and kill small mammals. She has no CV behind her or carefully planned route ahead of her. She is cherished by some humans and just does her catty thing each day.

Obviously I hope I'm guiding the boys well, but they have access to a whole world of other people's views to learn from too. They are mammals and have brains to use to make their own judgements.

Excitement

At 11pm last night the chatting started. T and I worked our way through all sorts of topics. The one which stood out was how he needs excitement and new experiences every day.

I did smile when he said he didn't know how I could stay sane just doing the same things every day. I tried to explain that it was doing those same things, like feeding the birds and putting the compost out, which does keep me sane. The invisible bit of my life is like a very stormy sea, all about adults' emotions, events, changes, you name it....

Luckily he just doesn't get it at all, much as I had no idea what those over 40, or over 30 to be honest, did with their lives, when I was his age. What you see is absolutely not what is actually going on.

Hair dying

Why are we doing this so late at night?? Because it is summer holidays!

Soon it will be time to use the shower head to wash off the bright red dye. I'll do the noisy hairdrying down here in the kitchen as one person in this household is asleep.

I hope my latest method of carefully putting the dye on has worked better than last time. T never complains about my skills, but he's not that fussy. I see the bits I have missed and feel a bit embarrassed.

Lost my drive

I've been in a wierd mood since my aunt dying. All too normal, then a death inspired and persistent inertia. I keep on forgetting that it is quite normal to react in surprising ways, so wonder what on earth has got me.

An illness and death is like a bomb going off in the middle of a family. The sun still shines, normal stuff happens, but there has been a change which was unexpected and leaves a hole, obviously. I'm trying to feel my way towards working out what shape of hole we have and what it all means. I'm also trying to listen to how I feel right deep in myself as a reaction to this.

I'm also trying to work out how it is affecting other family members and am finding it very hard to stay in communication with them. It feels to me like one big silence, but that is just my perception. Maybe the older ones don't like to share their thoughts all the time? They don't operate online the way I do either, they prefer drinks and dinner parties. If I lived within walking distance I would too!

Well guess what..

..T's laptop only allows him to have 23 tabs open at once. Can you tell we are equally welded to our laptops today?

Every so often I realise that the silence in our kitchen is due to us both sitting in that identical hunched up pose with the same intense stillness. It takes a big burst of energy to do something else.

We chat a lot though, like office banter, one person trying to do something and the other one eagerly chatting 19 to the dozen.

My Aunt

My aunt died this morning at the hospice. Her younger brother and older sister were staying the night with her and my parents were able to drive over quickly.

I'm glad that I have been on the phone a lot with my mother these past weeks. Other than living round the corner from them, this is the best contact and is easy to arrange.

I'm also glad that they had set up a routine of getting together to have a drink and something to eat together each evening after being with my aunt. I think they all sat round a table on the balcony outside her room, so she could hear them, but could just be in peace nearby.

Now that special time is over and they are all scattering to the winds, on their travels up, down and outside the country.

So quiet

1. Because both boys are out at the cinema for the A Team. They are off by themselves and I will be waiting in the reception well in advance of the end of the film to meet them. We are all in the house and they are out and about. This is the start of a new phase. We will be up 'til all hours afterwards. That will be fun. They'll be extra hungry too.

2. Because I am waiting for updates from my mother and there are no calls. I don't want to have a bath in case I miss a ring. That is silly as I'd just call back 30 mins later. They have been at the hospice and my mother's voice sounded all squeaky with emotion earlier. Thinking about it, now is just the right time for a warm bath. Then I can whizz my apricot icecream and pat my rising bread.

Photos

I took one disastrous photo of my father at night outdoors. It was blurred, red and too busy. T has photoshopped it and turned it into a stunning abstract.

I wanted to take a series of pictures of what I felt about my parents' house, to get it out of my system and somehow get closer to finding what I love there. I didn't have the opportunity though, because I got into a rather nasty conversation with my mother. Home truths I had not asked for were sent my way and I headed home as fast as I could.

So now what????

Tate

Just happy to sit in the cafe watching old films of Henry Moore.

There was a separate film of marching soldiers in a side room. That sound of boots on London pavements keeps on going through my head. They marched so quickly and purposefully.

On Guard

It must be a sign of maturity to be on guard all the time. I speak carefully, stay encouraging and positive. I avoid those dreadful topics which do not go well.

The most important thing is to leave quickly before any slide into honesty and openness. Gay smiles and bright comments are a brilliant shield.

However I stayed just that bit too long. Seethed for miles on my fast drive out of London.

Then the music on the radio took my mind away. The fields round here are stunning, the harvest has started. The rolling open hills are soothing. Being back is great. Top Gear is a bonus!

Intense Weekend

Visit to hospice.

Visit to Moore exhibition.

Cafe chats.

Lunch and dinner on patio.

Understandings and misunderstandings.

Rain

'Then let us walk up and down, said Mercier, yes, arm in arm
let us pace to and fro. There is not much room, but there might
be even less. Lay down our umbrella, there, help me off with our
knapsack, so, thanks, and off we go.
Camier submitted.
Every now and then the sky lightened and the rain abated.
Then they would halt before the door. This was the signal for
the sky to darken again and the rain to redouble in fury.'

Mercier et Camier
by Samuel Beckett

Wildwood

'Spiders will build communal webs across whole fields, covering them in dazzling lakes of early-morning dew: as massive an expense in work and materials as when Christo wrapped up the Reichstag.'

from Wildwood - A Journey Through Trees
by Roger Deakin

Becoming aware

As I was walking around feeling out of sorts on all levels, I eventually thought of simply saying so to myself. It was helpful. "I'm going around Sainsbury's and feeling out of sorts", "I'm wearing too many clothes for this weather" and "I'm actually hungry and haven't had enough today".

No longer so together

The strange peace of the past week has gone. I didn't even do my daily tick sheet at all today.

T was arguing with me for a fair amount of the day. He stopped when I took H to the dentist, but resumed when I got back. I retaliated with comments like 'well in the 70's if a child broke something they tended to hide the fact, not ask for replacements and the parent would say "oh bad luck" at best'....mind you the child would simply not have the item in the first place....

Taking H to the dentist is one of those tense events which means that nothing else really matters for that whole day. I feel tense beforehand and then relieved afterwards. So must he.

T did a splendid angry jump onto a cardboard box in the middle of the drive. I just happened to glance out as he flew through the air to connect with it.

He also broke the temperature gauge outside. I rescued the metal coil. And he turned over a young treelet in its pot. Humph. I held out the bin for the bits of gauge and made him wait while I trowelled the earth back onto the tree roots.

Anyway after all that I drove him to take some photos, got to the place, then he realised the tripod was back home. Drove back, got it and drove back to the place. T then lost the will to take photos. By that time we were having quite a laugh at the pointlessness of our early evening trips and got back home in a good mood.

So all in all it was a busy day full of incident!

Strangely positive

I don't understand why I am feeling upbeat at the moment. Eye of the storm??

H used a timer again at the hygienist today, so that the picking/polishing would only last 4 minutes. It worked well, the hygienist is very quick and we don't take up the time allocated so she saves time. H is happy too and in control.

T found a new beach by the Thames to take photos from. I sat on a fleece reading my book and was at peace with the world. T took pictures of his tripod with its feet in the water.

Sharing

My son shared the trailer for Inception with me and I shared a bad news facebook message with him before I sent it. Not equal, but we share what we have.

I made lots of burgers for him and he told me he'd spilt lemonade all over his pillows. More sharing! Little gifts here and there.

Purpose

A friend asked me today what my purpose in life is. At the moment I feel content without a big goal, but at other times I have had and needed a clear purpose, several even!

There are all sorts of sadnesses going on at present around me. Dealing with myself as all these big emotions swirl round me is quite enough. I water my plants and put out bird seed. I call relatives and send Facebook messages. I read blog posts and my library books.

The boys are growing up and eating their favourite foods. So I go to the supermarket and I cook what they like when they are hungry. Simple really.

I have a bit of a rant when I get cross and my housemates all listen. The cat sits on my knee and then kills our wild shrews.

I forget to look at my checklist for each day, then I remember to half way through the evening. That's ok.

Limbo

Damn, I have just written so much and my laptop has just obliterated it all, even though I had saved it several times on purpose.

...

When I put in all that effort I was still unaware of a person's death. Now I know she has died and roughly when and where.

Moments

I used to go to a place where there was a table with paints and paper for anyone to do their own artwork. I would go and sit at that table with the same feeling of walking forward into the familiar separate space as special as a dance floor.

Maybe soon I'll dare to step into that separate time of using paper and colours. I'm still teetering.

T and I went to light 2 candles in our church a few days ago. The candle stand has a kneeler in front of it, but I am not used to kneeling in front of T because we stopped forced church going a long time ago. So I teetered in that same way and wondered. I decided to keep my idea of kneeling to myself as we were paying attention to each other and not going into our private worlds.

Football

I've finally got to the point of preferring the vuvuzelas to the chanting! I now hope they catch on here. No more jeering would be so great.

The home ed angle on this is the PSHE discussion of insulting comments in the chants, whether they are culturally important or just plain offensive.

So drained

Various things going on which are causing me to just sleep deeply every so often. Confidentiality is a pain too, I'm beginning to forget who told me what and what I need to keep secret.

Anyway by way of taking a music cure I watched a wonderful programme about the Rolling Stones and will be eating more comfort food, yay for crisps, porridge and home made soup. I may go on a search for a creme egg if my symptoms persist.

I partly want to stick my head in the sand and not hear any news about anyone, had enough of bad news, and partly want to give properly and better, therefore saving the world single handedly. That won't happen either.

So I shall focus on summer holidays, started today for us, and we shall keep to simple discussions about buying more stuff, what to cook and what's on TV. I will keep on murdering the mosquito larvae in my pond with a little sieve. Sorry universe, but I have lost patience with that one aspect of my stagnant pond as well as the human world.

Clock-o'-Clay

In the cowslip pips I lie,
Hidden from the buzzing fly,
While green grass beneath me lies,
Pearled wi' dew like fishes' eyes,
Here I lie, a clock-o'-clay,
Waiting for the time o' day.

John Clare

This is about a ladybird.

Memories

It's amazing how changing circumstances bring out memories so sharply. Snippets here and there of voices and times together, both easy and fractious times.

Smash.....

...went the milk bottle on the kitchen floor. T is ill again, but well enough to get milk bottles out of the fridge and drop them.

I was very gallant and lent him my slippers to go safely out of the kitchen in. In the old days I'd shout at both boys to climb up on the chairs and stay there while I cleared up asap.

Not having small children, I didn't clear it up within 5 minutes. Which meant I was slightly surprised to find it all still there in its slivers and pint of milk glory after I had done something I could have postponed like finishing my bowl of cereal and reading the paper.

I then made a real meal of mopping it up. I think I had simply forgotten my technique for this job. I used to be really good at it! Anyway I rediscovered my method eventually.

'Life long learning' is a nice phrase which in my case is more accurately put as 'life long learning, forgetting and rediscovering the hard way'.

4am

We did some more dawn chasing today. I was up at 4am, then we were in the car and off at 4.15am. We got to the Clumps at 4.30am, bumped into a group of young men also doing something dawn-related, and found our spot.

I had a blanket round me so I caved in and simply curled up on the damp ground and pretended I was back in bed. In spite of that the birds sang so sweetly and each chirping was in some way different from the previous one.

When I opened my eyes I could see the dew on each of the blades of grass and seed heads.

Another odd thing happened, all of a sudden I felt the temperature shift upwards a bit, that must have been when the sun shone over the horizon. I hadn't expected it at all, so there is a new finding.

Thomas stood and watched for the photo he had planned. He was 200 watts short of the level of light he really needed for the shot he wanted! So he came back with just one test shot.

Anyway, we have both had much needed extra hours of sleep now.

News from Sweden

Read this English article about the latest school law passed in Sweden, which contains a small but evidently non-negotiable section on Home Education:

http://rohus.nu/en/?English_information

It looks as if the campaign of emails and discussion over a whole year since last June has caused many people to debate these issues, ones around home education and far more importantly the whole process of making laws in Sweden.

Hopefully this will have a good and fruitful outcome all round.

Who moved my cheese?

I love this book. It is simple and right. I have scurried off to find 2 new cheeses today, a chair and a phone charger.

One aspect I particularly enjoy is the emphasis on the little mice's own instincts. They don't read books and ask people they are afraid of for their opinions, they just move and search.

Dramas and amnesia

Every day there is some sort of drama. But, the next day, I can barely remember what it was about, or indeed whether there was a drama. Sometimes I ask, 'what was I so het up about yesterday?'.

I may have mentioned this parent-of-a-teenager-amnesia before, I'm not sure, but it's worth mentioning again since it is such a helpful state to be in!

Am I the only one?

Elephant traps

That is the name I give to a simple conversation about something like the importance of Parliament or how Microsoft got its spots which imperceptibly goes wrong. T starts it, but I create the trap all by myself.

First I'm happily sharing my views which have taken decades to form, then I realise I am repeating myself and sounding rather middle-aged, and then I realise I am right inside an elephant trap!

What has happened is that T has been sharing his views and repeating them because they are strongly felt and new, and also because I don't seem to be quite getting his points.

So I giggle and start saying "yes, you are right, just so right, and I've just fallen into a parent of a teenager trap again". The mum is meant to say yes in an agreeable sort of way, happily nod when told that her views are simply wrong, and stay calm and jolly. This is not, not, not a conversation about the topic, it is an opportunity to listen and appreciate your young, smile and enjoy being totally in the wrong. It's cosy and warm in the wrong, get used to it!

It's more about being able to chat and be heard, have an opportunity to have a gentle rant (the way I have done many times and the children have heard me out patiently, ending with a gentle 'but so and so is an idiot' showing they totally agree with me about the iniquity of the universe).

Sometimes I stop and say "why are we arguing?".

This happens most days and I like it!

Work places

Because T is at work this week, I have been recalling all the different workplaces of my parents. I went to the tall NatWest tower, decades before the big bomb in the City, to various University of London departments, the Royal Institution, the Rheumatology Dept of the Middlesex Hospital etc etc.

Not only that, but I went to my aunt's workplaces plus my grandfather's and my grandmother's.

What about seeing the business of sewing, laying out the thin paper on the floor; the business of painting and carpentry and buying wood; seeing how petrol is siphoned by sucking it into a bucket; watching chicken being roasted and pastry made; hearing about selecting tenants; sorting out bread making and brewing (beer, wine, ginger beer); correcting the sea charts; hearing about PubMed before I had ever even seen the internet for myself; such a lot to see....and all this from a terraced house in the middle of London in the 70's, 80's and 90's.

Workbook crazy

I went to WH Smiths recently to get some revision books for T as he'd asked.

I came out with more than I had expected because there were some wonderful history books for teachers of primary years. I didn't think the topics were right for 5-7 year olds though, but I guess every teacher uses considerable discretion when WW1 comes up for example.

Then I was taken by some geography/science and history revision books. They just seemed so interesting I had to get them for myself. More of the eternal modelling the desired behaviour as I dive into wonderful topics which hadn't been invented when I was at school!

H must get quite bored with my bright conversation starters of 'Did you know...?' or 'Can this really be true...?' but he gives me a few seconds of attention. I'm happy with that.

For H

Since this week is all about T and his work experience, H and I have been having a quiet cat filled day. The cat comes in and out like a friendly yo-yo. Sometimes she is just furry and sometimes she is furry and rain covered.

To make things special I went out and bought H's favourite cake plus a spare for tomorrow too. Then I shared bits of information from a very easy to follow GCSE revision book on the American West. I have never studied this before, so I'm thrilled to be exploring such useful history.

Driving T to work

I am soooo proud. I drove T to work for the first time today and saw him shake hands with various people.

Since picking him up I have heard loads about how his day went. It sounds as if he is in his element. Big smile!!!!!

The shame.....

So there we were minding our own business, me guarding T from himself as he took photos of passing traffic in the drizzle. I'd parked my car down a side road, as you do.

As we walked back to the car a suspicious type imitating a security guard and clearly loitering to no good intent along some rather important railways tracks to our local power station waved at us to come over.

Blow me, he seems to think T might pose a terrorist threat. I start squeaking about all sorts of truly embarrassing stuff, while T chats in a relaxed way, giving both his names and showing the pics he took and volunteering to delete any this guy only minutes older than him might not like.

T gets full marks for cool and I am an embarrassment to nature and myself, I even announced which party I voted for, as if this ever helps parents of radicalised young souls.....

Anyway, I think the power station itself poses a terrorist threat to our town as without it there would be no chance of someone wanting to bomb Didcot. I feel like joining Greenpeace now just for the hell of it.

That thing they say about motivation...

....I haven't seen H move so fast since the last time the router needed to be reset!!

Crossroads

We found a remote crossroads about 25 minutes away. My cheeks are still burning from the blowy wind and sunshine there.

T needed me to be his bodyguard, looking this way and that while he got down in the middle of the tarmac to get some good shots.

Industrial Estate

My inexhaustible supply of places to take T to take photos keeps on going....We drove round one of the Didcot industrial estates and found straight lines, trees and empty roads to kneel down in the middle of.

We can try going there at dawn, sunset, in the rain, in the snow and in different seasons. I love the richness hidden away locally. I only think of these places when I'm really stuck and have to think extra hard to find something that will fit T's latest requirements.

Awol

I went off for an hour at a home ed meet up. Well, that was rather a lie, I basically went awol and had a lovely 3 hours chatting, eating strawberries, watching children leaping around on the trampoline.

We discussed loads of different things and I feel so refreshed.

Animals and Humans

Why is it that some animals seem to really want to be near humans? Do we out of all the creatures offer something special that no other creature offers?

I know that no other creature would save a drowning insect or gently help a bee out of a window. Maybe we sometimes offer the animals something as magical and undeserved as they sometimes offer us?

Do they observe and care for each other ever?

More early starts

On Sunday it was 4.30am to go with T to get the sunrise as opposed to the dawn. The birds were extremely loud where we went. The young cattle trotted over to be close to us. I get the feeling they just want company and human contact of some sort.

This morning it was 6am to drive on a mercy mission to get special biscuits our household needed in the way you need particular biscuits....

Yoghurt day

It's a lovely feeling to be able to make yoghurt without any recipe now.

I have my own method and a few tools which work for me. The main tool is a rhythm of one bought then one home made, so I always know where I am in the cycle. I also have a circular metal disc which prevents the milk from boiling over the top of the pan, a thermometer and a kilner jar thing which I make it in.

Stunning afternoon

H and I sat on our lawn in the partial shade. We nearly did forward rolls, but decided against it!

After he'd had enough breathtaking beauty I lay and looked upwards. I could see the birds fly from one branch to another. The sky was that constant blue. The planes had stopped for a while. The acacia has just come into leaf over the past week. I could see the tiny leaves against to the gnarled old branches I hope will never smash into the roof of our house in a storm.

When I go into and out of our house there is a battle about the doors, I like them open to allow the breeze in and H likes them shut to keep out the flies. He is right really, but I keep on opening them again while he is busy in his room.

Strewing for myself

Maybe I will try again and from a completely different angle. This time I could strew stuff for *me*. Then I'd be guaranteed one eager user or player. I do love fiddling with physical things and playing or rearranging items on a table.

Maybe some people love new things provided by others and some people prefer to seek out their own new things. I suspect I have 2 persistent sniffers out of new stuff who operate on their own terms online via YouTube and favourite computer news websites.

One thing which works is a game of 'ask me a question?' We take it in turns and try to ask difficult but not impossible questions of each other in turn. The hard bit is picking something suitably unexpected that the other person will find interesting to answer. That verbal strewing is fun and something we do when we are at a loose end.

My last maybe...it could be that the word new is more important than strew? So anything new and surprising would count. A new smell, an odd sound, an unusual cloud shape or colour. Rather than trying to plan it each day I could simply be on the lookout for anything worth pointing out...which is easy as I do this anyway. All I'd need to do is write it down. The more I write down, the more data I have to play with when I do my home ed reviews so it's all good from my point of view.

By writing it down I have come to the conclusion that the thing which bugs me is the deliberateness of this strewing concept.

Trees

The conkers H and I collected in the autumn are growing beautifully. They are now on their second pair of leaves. Soon we will repot them into individual pots. What are we going to do with 10+ conker trees? Tomato plants are one thing, vast sturdy trees are another!

We have an oak growing in a hidden spot in our drive, so there's another future problem/blessing. The walnut at 15 feet high beside the cherry is an even bigger surprise. Maybe our back garden is destined to turn into a shady grove or forest.

Concert

I got out to a concert this evening. I sat there listening and watching my thoughts drift to other topics.

After all those years of trying to shush a child on my knee or making it through just the first few minutes of an event before going outside, it feels very odd, empty even, to be the undisturbed adult able to sit there and act conventionally again.

Someone took their little boy out before the concert had even begun and I realised how disconnected from parenting I feel when I don't have one of my children with me. I even felt jealous of that situation.

However the reality is that I am in the middle of 2 ongoing arguments/discussions about issues I feel uncomfortable with. Neither content to say 100% yes to, nor content to say 100% no to. This middle ground is where the difficulties lie I find.

Do parents get amnesia about the teenage years? Do they look back fondly and wish to be tied up again in verbal knots about their clearly not well enough thought out positions?

My tadpoles are growing

I looked carefully at my tadpoles while they were near the surface because of the warmer weather. The something different about them is that they are developing eyes. I hadn't expected that at all.

They have also started to snap at the surface of the water. Their tails are darker and longer too. They swim in more jerky deliberate moves.

While I look at them I check the surface of the water for struggling insects. Each time I spot one I save it with a dry leaf and place the leaf on a plant pot so the insect can have another go at life. It's lovely to see the water drain away and the little legs start to move again and off they go to somewhere safe.

Nature in the raw

H rushed down to the kitchen and told me about the fly in his room. I thought this would be a tale of woe as he hates flies.

Actually a spider had crept up and killed it from behind. H was thrilled and had watched it all happen. It's a good thing he doesn't mind spiders.

Stonehenge in a morning

The plan was for T and I to go together. When I called him at 7.30am it was just too early for him to get up on a weekend, so I drove down by myself.

I love solo expeditions. I wandered about, listened to the audio guide, made little noises at the sheep, snuffled the lovely summer air, enjoyed the hot sunshine at 9.30am, gazed at the patterns the stones make against each other as I moved my head.

I even bought a commemorative mug and enjoyed my coffee once I'd driven back home again. Everyone was still asleep when I got back!

Dr Who

T has got right back into Dr Who. He tells me about the special effects and the plot. I've just given up on one bit of plot and have asked him to show me very, very simply with Lego men. I'm one of those people who tends not to follow the plot at all and just watches rather than understanding a film.

Tidy mode

For some reason I have gone into tidy mode and have cleared some parts of the kitchen. They are visible parts so the overall impression is more peaceful. This is meant to allow more room for creative conversations and an easy life!

Parody

I was put in my place when H explained that a TV programme we were watching was a parody of a particular genre. I simply hadn't spotted it, but as soon as he pointed it out I almost got it. Here's someone who has a better grasp of these finer points than me. How on earth does he know these things?

I don't have the heart...

...to be a guerilla gardener. When I looked again at the corner I had thought I'd 'improve' I realised it is just lovely as it is. Wild flowers and weeds are growing through the gravel and thriving in their own way. All I have to do is look and appreciate it all.

Dawn

Maybe it was overkill, but we didn't want to miss the dawn. That is why T and I got up at 4.30am on a Saturday to drive to his current favourite photo spot near the Wittenham Clumps.

He walked off into the distance with his gear once the rain stopped and the sun was shining. I watched the signs of life, a bee flying, a magpie pecking at the road surface, a jogger and heard the first lambs of the morning.

Films

H told me this afternoon how much he enjoys watching really good films from all eras. So that's our focus for the next however long. I look forward to sitting up for some great films.

Fury

How long can it take to go from calm to fury? About 3 seconds. A few nights ago I had a plan to do things differently at bedtime. Then I experienced the 0-60 zoom of fury and quickly had a rethink. A good thing I did because who knows how badly things could have gone....

90 minutes later

T got to the station 90 minutes later than usual. Was I worried? Was I bored? Was I cross? No.

I finally realised my mobile was out of power, so I decided to drive home and phone him from there. He sounded so happy and I could hear his friends in the background.

While I was waiting I realised that 'my' corner of the station car park is ripe for some guerilla gardening. I have loads of spare seeds from years past, so they will go to seed heaven on a wet day.

Election Fever

I have been surprised by how keen the children are to watch the election debates. We adults have been paying more attention to them as the series has gone on.

We will all be at the start tonight, ready for the 90 minutes. It seemed to go very fast last week.

As it is on the economy have a look at this:

http://www.ft.com/deficit-buster

This doesn't cover possible changes in taxation revenue if the economy grows or the possible monies raised from the sale of the nationalised banks, so bear that in mind.

Lay-bys

T loves to take photos and I enjoy hanging around while he takes them. The bit which gets tricky is finding where to stop the car safely. Once we find a good lay-by we go back to it whenever the clouds look interesting or the sunset looks wildly coloured.

I am getting used to being asked to drop everything to zip out in the car to spend a peaceful 30 mins watching the weather pass over.

Sometimes H and I go for drives and explore places we think T might like. I need to have a number of suggestions for new places to try up my sleeve.

The Tempest

New season, new Shakespeare play. This time it is the Tempest (I keep on typing Tempset!).

My old edition is in my car so I read a chunk each time I wait at the station for T to get home from school. It is so satisfying to find out what happens next. I have never seen it acted or read it before.

I have to say that I don't understand a lot of it and I'm confused about who is who, but I'm sort of floating over the words, hoping that it will all fall into place. If I read it a second time it may make more sense. Since I have no questions to answer on it and nothing to prove it is all a bonus for me. I love finding passages I have seen or heard before.

My Pond

We have a tiny new pond. It has irises and pond plants which are green and frondy. There are about 8 tadpoles. They grow rather slowly, I was expecting more sudden changes.

So it just goes to show how much education I missed as a child. It's lovely to find things out for real as a parent, to rush inside shouting guess what, come and look at this...The children humour me and come to see. Sometimes they are the ones to shout for us to come and see.

Sunday

I had our monthly home ed meet up here. It's on Sunday afternoons when schooled siblings are free to come along if they wish and working partners too.

We played with fire in the drawing room and T did a photo shoot in the garden. H chatted gracefully with the 2 younger girls for a tiny moment. We adults did lots of talking too.

I had fun making real gingery biscuits for us to try and cleaned up a milk bottle to use as a rolling pin.

Silence

This blog has been very quiet, but that is all an illusion!

Lots goes on in our household, all sorts of powerful emotions and discussions. Rows, demands, drawing of limits, redrawing of limits, fun expeditions, conversations, home truths, waiting for people to brush their teeth, discussions about brushing of the teeth last thing at night....oh it goes on and on.

Playing with my phone

While H does his teenage thing I amuse myself by looking downwards with my phone. Anyone familiar with Ansel Adams will recognise the front of a wonderful book of his photos of America. It's in the Didcot Library at the moment.

I think there is a tripod on the right hand side. The tiled floor means it is in our kitchen. The pot came from Sainsbury's a long time ago and held a delicious chocolate pudding. The pots were so good I kept them, then built up a sufficient supply of them, then stopped buying the puddings as I didn't need any more pots.

Co Counselling

Just had the last of 5 days of practice within a Co Counselling Fundamentals course. Am I a better person? I hope so. Look up CCI if you are interested.

Doing my bit

I pinned up a business card for our local home ed website in Sainsburys. I hope it will be helpful to someone passing by. It is by the checkouts so virtually the whole population of the town and surrounding villages will pass it.

My links

I hope you enjoy looking at the blogs I link to on the right hand side of the page. I keep on finding new ones, so the list gets longer and longer.

When I don't post here very often it means I simply come to my own blog to go and have a look at what is happening on my sidebar! So it's a huge source of inspiration.

TV again!!

The aerial man came along today and fixed our problem, so now we can watch TV again. I'm so pleased. Just in time for the election campaign. I even caught a bit of live Parliament TV, channel 81.

The shipping forecast

Today's poem in the book I am dipping into begins:

'Dogger, Rockall, Malin, Irish Sea:' it's by Seamus Heaney.

I prefer the actual forecast and the incredibly haunting melody beforehand, the signal for the skipper or navigator to go below and note down the details.

Earlier this year, during the snowy weather, the announcer finished the forecast with such a heartfelt and kind goodnight wish to all of us, from me snug in bed to those out at sea and maybe those who would never hear it even one more time.

To whoever you were, thankyou.

Yet another magic moment

I went with T and H to Youth Group to help make some Easter cakes. After the main event was over and we were the only guests left, the 4 children congregated round the table next to the kitchen. From the kitchen we mothers could hear the murmur of chat and laughter. They were drawing, writing, checking out the internet and eating cake.

The looks of relaxation and interest on their faces were so precious to see. Then I was invited in to do my 20 questions game where I think of something, a US state in this case, then give clues until they guess it. I enjoy giving clues which are helpful so it is a fun quick game, not embarrassing.

We are now back in our TV-less house, so H and his father have whizzed next door to watch my mother in law's TV. Our aerial will be fixed next week, so we'll be back to the educational delights of Midsomer Murders and Coast, and me disagreeing with the BBC news.

Cliffs

I do like this.

America

We have been studying America from memory while out on our drinks trips to the local pub. We managed to remember 30 states. It took a lot of straining our memories to even get that far.

I decided to look out for a book of photos from the different states and was thrilled to find one today. I bet our WH Smiths was stunned to see this coffee table book being snapped up so fast.

H was firm about the fact that any further discussion must happen when we are next at the pub, so my road map of the USA and this lovely thing I found today will come with us next time. They are used to us turning up with a pack of cards to while away the time before the food arrives, so arriving with books is hardly much of a change.

Our power station

At long last I have been round the Didcot Power Station. It is huge! It is quite simple too.

The basic processes were explained at least 4 times. After that I have grasped the fact that the coal is pulverised, then blown directly into the furnace/boiler, then the super clean/pure water is heated to some fantastically high temperature of steam. Steam plus turbines = electricity and hey presto through the big wires into the pylons we know and love/loathe across the fields round here.

Simple really.